The Miracle Weight Loss Supplement

Hey guys I'm back and I'm very excited as this will be the first time I have blogged on 2 consecutive days. I have taken time out of my busy schedule of masturbating and watching distasteful poorly made horror films (not simultaneously), to give you the highlights of one of the many strange pondering sessions I have had today. Enjoy.

I have been suffering from a severe lack of motivation in pretty much everything I have been doing recently (by the way I know I'm mentioning myself alot, but it's a blog and frankly I can be as self-indulgent as I want. Also I use words that I don't bother to look up). To combat this I have tried the whole dieting and exercise thing, as I guess if I lost a bit of weight I would obtain a greater sense of self worth and would strive towards bigger and better things. But I have been finding it very difficult to motivate myself to go to the gym or eat healthy, not because these are overly difficult, but because there is an obvious miracle weight loss supplement that for some reason has been overlooked by the health and diet industry. This is a weight loss supplement that will see pounds drop off you, without having to put in any of that horrible effort. I am of course talking about Heroin. Because lets face it, you never see a tubby junkie. Why should I run on the spot and pick up heavy things and at times have to worry about accidentally staring at a mans penis. When I could be at home, syringe in arm, staring at the ceiling, until my sense of self worth is as high as my state of conciousness.

This could also propel me to temporary international fame, as the man who created The Heroin Fitness Craze. I could be the one to bring Heroin to the masses. I could do adverts with B-List celebrities, who say things like: - "I've lost 10 stone thanks to the Heroin Diet."
- "With the new Heroin diet I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, but I don't want to. Thank you Heroin Diet"
- "Thanks to the Heroin diet I've lost my baby weight........ and my baby." (To social services, it didn't die in the womb, don't be so sensitive)  

Then Heroin classes will take over Zumba. Tens of millions of mothers would go to community centres after dropping their children off at school and shoot up, lay on yoga mats and stare at the ceiling. Granted children will be left abandoned in school playgrounds and overtime become feral. But people will be thin and isn't that all that really matters?

You will start seeing before and after photos that look like this.

 

Then every celebrity will bring out their own Heroin workout DVDs for Christmas, where you can shoot up with the stars and stare at them, staring at you. I will personally be looking forward to Carol Vordermans 'Can I have a Constenant and emergent medical treatment: The Fitness DVD'. (I should of come up with a better name, but it's 1 in the morning, I'm sorry, I'm doing my best)

In conclusion, I guess what I'm trying to say is, Fuck gyms, Fuck diets, Fuck Zumba.
Thats about as good a conclusion as I can muster.

Add me on Twitter @georgeApack.

Come back tomorrow for more Pack in Wonderland.