The Duck < Bread Debate

Who decided that ducks eat bread?

As I'm sure you're all aware, bread is not indigenous to ponds. There is not one recorded bread hunt where a bunch of ducks stalk a loaf of Hovis. There is not one natural history documentary, in which David Attenborough perches on an island in the middle of a duck pond while dressed as shrubbery, speaking on bread breeding patterns. With analysis of how "the common White Bread male is able to detach some of its body parts, known as slices, in order to confuse the feathered beast that is preying upon them.

I believe that thirty odd years ago, parks and ponds became a hotspot for teenage mating rituals. Teenagers would bring a variety of picnic foods to the duck pond, throw some cheese and pickle sandwiches to the ducks, before creeping into the bushes to fornicate. Then some kind of recession took place, where the teenagers would have to all chip in to buy one loaf of bread. The teenagers would get lectured by their parents, "I don't get kids these days and their "Duck Feeding", in my day we let the ducks fend for themselves". Unknowing to them 'Duck Feeding' would soon become a popular past time, that these teenagers passed on to their children. The phrases "Let's go feed the ducks" and "Do you want to go feed the ducks?", became prevalent in British culture. All along the British isles people came out in droves to go 'Duck Feeding'.

Until 'Duck Feeding' became outlawed. Councils began cracking down on 'Duck Feeders', putting up signs telling 'Duck Feeders' to stop 'Duck Feeding' and issuing small fines. This put the 'Duck Feeding' community in disarray and soon the DFA (Duck Feeding Association) disbanded. However small pockets of underground 'Duck Feeders' still exist today and have been known to 'Duck Feed' under the cover of darkness.

Disclaimer - This is just my theory. I could probably just google the original roots of 'Duck Feeding', but I'm sure it wouldn't be as intriguing as the story that I just made up. 

The Shocking Truth

Feeding ducks bread can actually harm them. A carbohydrate heavy diet can cause excessive weight gain and malnutrition in both ducks and their ducklings, thus making it difficult for them to fly and evade predators. Also leftover mouldy bread can cause something called 'Aspergillosis', a fatal lung infection that can kill entire duck flocks. It is also a little known fact that ducks are very territorial and will set up their territory where there is an abundant food source. Duck gangs have been known to literally fight to the death to obtain or retain their territory.

Should 'Duck Feeding' be allowed as a form of entertainment?
Should the Police crackdown on these underground 'Duck Feeders'?
Does anyone care?

 In Memory Of

Timothy Darlington

08/02/08 - 15/09/12

Shot dead by police, while defending his right to engage in 'Duck Feeding'